How to tell what the Referee is Signalling at Rugger Matches

Well it's been almost a year since I guided you in "What to Shout at Rugger Matches". So I'm thinking you bookmarked the post, took a print out of it and stuck it up on your wall, and take a glance before every match. If everything has gone to plan, you still have all your limbs, and no bruisers after any of the matches. Chicks dig that your on "top" of the game, maybe you landed one even... (if so you owe me a Drink). If you have a GF, she's mighty proud of you, and her friends think your cool too. :)

Untill she or one of her friends ask, "Hey what happened?" and you see the Ref, doing a number with his Hands... bomber... Ok so you say "you didn't see it", it's gonna work maybe a couple of times if your on the 200 buck Concrete Tier being shoved and pushed, but if your in the Grand Stand.... hmmmm.... I've got just what you want..

Objective :

Give you the ability to connect the with top man of the game, the Ref, who gets to call all the shots on the field (Off field feel free to throw a Flower Pot at him). If you thought you were on top of the game before, you'll feel like you grew an extra 6 inches... vertically ;)

In the end.. upgrade you from Cool Dude to "Rugby Jock", just in time for the 2nd Leg of the Bradby, tomorrow! Go Royal!

Assumptions :

You have already read and followed My Previous Guideline, and it's a fair assumption that you have made the upgrade from "Geek" to "Cool Dude". :)




So a few tips before you get behind the wheel, Ref's unlike our parents do not reward us for good behavior (don't expect an XBOX or a PS3 for being a Good Sport), so when you know he's signaling something that means somebody gonna get a hurt.. (oops sorry that was Russel) basically your only chance is that, your opponents committed the crime and maybe it's Christmas for you after all.


Here goes --> IRB Ref Signal Guide!!! (PDF 1.2MB)

NOTE :

If you want to upgrade to "Rugby Guru" try going through the entire IRB Rule Book (PDF 15MB). If your found murdered in your Hotel Room the next day, only to be later realized that you died of natural causes, you know it WORKED!!

As usual, my disclaimer as follows :

"If you Score.. I'm your Man... If you Screw Up... There's always another Rugger Match next week" :)

interesting Facts about HSBC

I thought that you might find trouble falling asleep without knowing the valuable information I'm about to give you.

1.) HSBC Increases interested rate to 3.25% on their Credit Cards. Yup that's a staggering 39% annually. (Just when you thought Petrol prices are coming down and things are getting better)

2.) If you have access to HSBC Internet Banking, there is this great link that makes you feel good about your self, called "Net Worth". It reduces your Credit Card and Loan Payables from your Savings account and tell's you what your worth. I'm yet to break even. (I know this isn't a fact but thought it'd be useful, for an ego-boost or maybe not)

3.) Family Planning have detemined that the Highest Condom sales in the Country is from an outlet (Laughs Shed/Supermarket I think) close to the HSBC International Call Center known as HDPL in Rajagiriya, with some 2000 employees working under them.

There... now for some nice sleep. Now now, don't go thinking what those chaps at HDPL get down to. Servicing customers or their own. lol

Is This The Case In Sri Lanka?

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a bunch of bananas on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the bananas. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result -- all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the bananas and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the bananas. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

Posted at
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/work.html

Core2 Duo

Cabbie & Nun - Hilarious

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you".

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are! you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Sanath says more than "Howzaat"

Got this in an email, so you might have already read it, never the less.. nothing short of a good laugh.. no offense Sanath.. Bat On!!


Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepare for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony.

Sanath was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always used his standard response to the first question after winning.

But this time.....

Tony Greig: "So Sanath, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy?'

Sanath:

"All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Sangakkara. It was tight situation when he went in. Also Watmore was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result"

Tony fainted!!

Mid Week Humour

I've been sick.. and this was a cheerful welcome in my email. Thought I'd share it with you till I find time to conjure up a post.

Buying Condoms - Friday Joke

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.


He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Mid Week Humour

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is At work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in The bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little Boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a football."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$400"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the Lover

Are in the cupboard together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have football boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" !

Boy - "$600"

Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy -"$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like

that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you

To church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit In the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Now, don't start that sh*t again. You're in MY cupboard now"

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What to Shout at Rugger Matches

Ok it's the Bradby Weekend, and many of you will be heading down for the Game, so I believe this might come in handy. Even if you don't please bookmark the page, so it'll be around for the next Rugger season (providing that you don’t reformat your machine).

Objective :

Make the geek in you, sound like the "Ultimate source of Rugby Knowledge" and make you the cool dude. (I cannot guarantee whether it'll get you chicks. Your looks will have a big say in that.. await a post on how to improve your looks)

Assumptions :

In order to follow the command's you'll need a prior understanding of the game. For eg :

a) Ability to tell your team from the other.
b) Ability to tell the Referee (referred to as Ref in the rest of post) apart from the players .
c) Tell the linesman (the dude in shorts on either side, with a flag in hand, no they are not cheerleaders of either side) apart from the security personal on the side lines, and maybe the Sirasa TV crew.
d) Relative understanding of positions. (No not the Kamasutra and When I say hooker, I don't mean Russian.)


Finally.. Things to Shout Out :

1. "Support", "Forwards", "Over It"

This is when your boy gets tackled and a bunch of players are trampling his genitalia. A common incident that happens in regular intervals. You wouldn't look out of sorts by shouting this.







2. "Off Side"

The difference between off-side and on-side is a fine line that even the Ref, has trouble defining. Therefore feel free to shout out, at usual junctures of the game. (Obviously not during a stoppage of play though. Eg - Half Time)

3. "Holding On Sir", "Not releasing"

Unlike no 1., please feel free to shout this out, when the opponent’s boy gets tackled (with the ball of course, would be rather embarrassing if he appears not to have the ball with him). Please make sure that you give ample time for your boys to go about trampling the Opponent.


4. "Work it down", "Pass it down"

This never happens, because the coach and the players beg to differ, but the "ultimately cool" thing to shout. Make sure you shout it out when the ball is given to those skinny legged players that stand in what would looks like a line across the field. Hence the word "line".








5. “Get-em”, “Bring him down”, “Deepan Okata”

When an opponent starts to run with the ball. This doesn’t mean that they are going to wait till you shout the above to tackle the chap. But after hearing your encouragement your team might decide to treat him in a "friendly manner" while tackling him.





6. "Shove Royal" - assuming your an RC supporter.

This is when a bunch of the fat buggers (Fat Doesn't mean they look less sexy, it's actually more - for the women folk out there) from your team get together and seem to run into a bunch of your opponents. The players must be on their feet, and must continue to curse each other while the Ref isn't looking. The moment they drop to the ground, find it applicable to shout something like "Out it".






7. "Send Him Out"

When a Ref pulls up a player for a friendly chit chat and discuss the day's proceedings, maybe ask the bloke whether he has any cute sister's, shout the above at the top of your voice. Oh BTW, make sure the player in concern is not wearing the Jersey of the Team you happen to support. If the Ref hears you clearly, he will take the opportunity to flash something yellow (I meant a card.. lol), and send that chappie for a well deserved break.







8. "Referee Hora"
When the Ref doesn't hear you in no 7, or the situation in no 7 is happening to one from your team, or if your side is losing shout it out. Specially if a Sirasa TV Camera Crew is nearby. If frustrations run wild, and you find throwable objects nearby don’t be shy to aim at the linesman. The cardinal rule is not to get caught. As soon as the crime was committed, look at the people around you to avoid suspicion. More information can be gathered by speaking to your friends at Thurstan and Isipathana.

9. "Good Touch"

When a boy on your side, is about to make an attempt to kick the ball away, you can shout this out in encouragement so he'd stop eyeing the cute chick in the grand stand and remember to kick the ball out, even though it doesn't seem to travel that far, make sure you applaud and try to figure out who the bloke was eyeing. (That might be your GF with her Rich Parents, while your stuck in the Concrete Tiers)







10. "Ball Out"

This is when a scrum, that is when the heavier dude's of the teams face each other and appear to kneel and pray for the ball to come out their way, technically speaking the Ref, doesn't like them resting their knees. As soon as you see the ball bubbling out on the opponent's side, shout this out. Not that anybody on the field will hear you, and turn this into an opportunity. It will simply appear to the people around you, that your on "top" of the game.


BONUS : "Brian Homa"

If the Rugger match has been rated as popular as the "Sirasa Super Star" programme, you might find the likes of Mr. Brian Thomas giving an introduction prior to the start of the match. Feel free to shout this out, with an opportunity to be selected for the next “Sirasa Super Star” star search. It would be ideal if you could get a friend to shout out "Tell us something we don't know" in unison.

Disclaimer :

Please note that I will not be held responsible for any negative feedback you receive after following the above. If in case you get into trouble, I'm pretty sure that you have missed atleast one step. In doubt please shout out what the others' shout. Find out what team they support prior to this.

I'd also encourage you to count the no of opposition supporters around you, prior to shouting out the above mentioned. A life insurance policy is also a wise option unless you are a hefty bugger that can take a few blows or a skinny bugger that can squeeze through a tight situation. Note - Don't count on your friends to bail you out. Specially the drunk one's.

If any good comes about (I sound very optimistic. Don’t I?) after following my steps please recommend my blog to your friends, who are dying to be as "cool" as you are. I will soon be starting up an Approved Charity where you could donate your life savings towards a movement that would encourage Geeks to be the New Cool Dude's in town.

Contributors are encouraged to add their own things to shout, but would emphasize that I will not be responsible for any negative outcome. If it is positive, I already thought about that, but had to limit my list to 10. :)

Enjoy!

* Pics have been added to illustrate for the pure geek in you.

Similarities between (Girls and Windows) and (Boys and Linux)

Girls and Windows

• Both have a great UI.
• Both consume large resources and do less work.
• Both crash unexpectedly.
• Both are not easily portable on different architectures (environment).
• Both can't work on low resource architectures (environment).
• Both are costly to maintain.
• Both give mostly unexpected outputs.
• Both's working often contradicts with their documentation.
• Both are easily prone to viruses (rumors and doubts) (and they (viruses) do spread very fast in windows based networks).
• In spite of all above disadvantages, both are liked.

Boys and Linux

• Both have an average UI.
• Both are robust.
• Both are highly secure.
• Both can be easily modified to support new concepts/features.
• Both are efficient.
• Both are easily portable to any architecture (environment) no matter how low are resources.
• You can easily guess the output for your input (in Linux just open its code, for boys they are mostly transparent by natureJ).
• Both provide large support for development (work environment).
• Both are poorly documented.

* Taken off an email I received. Thought you guys would like it. Pls feel free to add more. :)

Women-Only Traffic Police Unit

Russians have done it again! They are going to create Women only unit to patrol the streets. Why? Coz the men apparently let the traffic offenders get off in exchange for bribes. So why women? "There is research which proves that women are not inclined to bribe-taking,"

Hmm.. so now do I hear all you ladies shout discrimination? "Women also Except Bribes!, just like our male counterparts!" or just blush away and say how rightoues you are, forgetting about the equality of your fellow males.

Anyways I caught this on GOLD FM, so I did some "Googling" here's what I got.

Yahoo - Only women need apply for Russia traffic police
BBC - Russia to get women traffic cops

Anyways that leads us thinking about one thing. How would this apply to our Beautiful little Island Paradise Sri Lanka? Yes we all know that corruption is high on the streets all over from Cops to Govt Offices.

Think of your self being pulled over by a Female Cop. How are you going to get her to accept a bribe?

Cop - "Ah mahaththaya gamu License eka eliyata"

You - "Ah Madam? (I use Ralahami on males, but Ralahamine aint that hip eh?) Mama awe "Kaha" Light eke ne!

Cop - "Me aiyse boru kiyanna epa, kaha light eka thiyenne enna newey ne?"

You - "Na ethin, kola eka enna hitiye, ewunata eka Kaha wunane"

Cop - "Ehanang eka api Usawiye balagamu!!!"

You (hearing the mention of Court, pullin out your wallet) - "Naha naha, apita monwath karaganna barida me gana?"

.. For you guys to fill the rest ..

Proper undergarments should be worn but not visible.

While going through one of V-I-C's posts I stumbled upon another story. "Cleavage Ban in Arlington School". Thought I'd post the Dress Code, so you guys can compare and let me know what you guys think. I for one, wasn't lucky enough to be placed in "Mixed School".

Now isn't this a crime against Humanity? (Seems to be the in thing, in SL - I meant crimes against humanity) Human Rights violation? Not letting them nice girls wear what they want. Googling more on this issue I found this : Panty Ranting. I'm sure, attendance rates are gonna drop in School.

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THE STUDENT DRESS CODE

A student’s conduct is related to his/her clothing. Therefore, the school is directly concerned with the student’s clothing. The appropriateness of a student’s clothing for the school environment should dictate the choice of clothing and grooming practices on each given day.

Some campuses have implemented a uniform requirement pursuant to AISD policy FNCA (Local). See p. 56-60. Parents and students should check with the campus to confirm whether uniforms are required.

All students are expected to adhere to common practices of modesty, cleanliness and neatness; to dress in a respectful manner within the acceptable standards of the community and in such a manner as to contribute to the academic atmosphere, not detract from it. Students who fail to comply with this dress code may be sent home and be subject to disciplinary actions.

Any clothing, accessories, symbols, jewelry, or other paraphernalia, which depicts or suggests association with a gang, secret society, or fraternity, shall not be brought to school, worn at school, or in any way be present at any school-sponsored event.

ANY OTHER CONSIDERATIONS WILL BE DETERMINED BY THE INDIVIDUAL SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS. THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION SHALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONSIDER ANY CURRENT FASHION TO DETERMINE ITS ACCEPTABILITY FOR SCHOOL WEAR.

Clarification regarding apparel should be obtained PRIOR TO WEARING IT TO SCHOOL; this can be obtained from the school administration. Students in violation of this policy will be subject to disciplinary action as determined by the school’s administration.

Teachers are charged with the responsibility of enforcing student dress code in their classes as well as on campus. Administrators and other school personnel share the same responsibility. Teachers shall follow building procedure for discipline referral regarding dress code violations.
No attempt will be made to dictate fashion styles as long as they are in keeping with district policies. It should be noted, however, that it is the responsibility of the student and parent that the student adhere to the dress code, as follows:

GENERAL:

1. a. Any clothing, jewelry or accessories with decorations, patches, lettering, advertisements, etc., that may be considered obscene or offensive are not to be worn to school. This includes any clothing, jewelry, accessories that may be used as weapons, accessories having drug, sexual emblems, tobacco or alcoholic beverage references or designs.

b. Form-Fitting garments such as spandex may only be worn with another layer of clothing, which meets the dress code.

SHIRTS & BLOUSES

2. a. Crop tops, tube tops, halters and spaghetti straps are unacceptable (anything less than 2 inches is considered a spaghetti strap.) Strapless dresses without jackets are unacceptable.

b. The display of cleavage is unacceptable. Low cut blouses, tops, sweaters etc. with plunging necklines are not allowed.

c. The length of an untucked shirt must be no longer than the tip of the longest finger with the student’s hand fully extended down the side of the student’s leg.

d. Transparent and/or see through material is considered unacceptable. Shirts/tops must touch the waist of pants/skirts at all times (i.e. when in movement, when arms are extended or raised, and when in seated position, etc.)

e. At the secondary level, a boy’s shirt should cover the entire crown of the shoulder.

f. Tall T-Shirts are not permitted.

DRESSES, SKIRTS:

3. a. The length of a skirt/dress must be a minimum of half the distance between the fingertips and the top of the knee when the student’s hand is fully extended down the side of the student’s leg.

b. When measuring skirts, dresses, or shorts/skorts that have slits, the length will be determined by measuring from the top of the slit.

SHORTS, SKORTS

4. a. The minimum length of shorts/skorts must be no shorter than the tip of the longest finger with student’s hand fully extended down the side of the student’s leg.

PANTS:

5. a. Intentionally torn or cut/slashed pants are considered inappropriate.
Manufactured boot-cut slits are acceptable.

SAGGING PANTS:
6. a. No Sagging.
b. Students shall wear their trousers or overalls properly at the waist.

ACCESSORIES:

7. a. All students must wear shoes.
b. Students should wear athletic footwear in order to participate in any physical education class.
c. Hair should be kept neat, clean, and reasonably styled.

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Thursday joke...

SALESMAN: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
CUSTOMER: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den,
and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
SALESMAN: Mac?
CUSTOMER: No, the names Lou.
SALESMAN: Your computer?
CUSTOMER: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
SALESMAN: Mac?
CUSTOMER: I told you, my names Lou.
SALESMAN: What about Windows?
CUSTOMER: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
SALESMAN: Do you want a computer with windows?
CUSTOMER: I don't know. What will I see when
I look in the windows?
SALESMAN: Wallpaper.
CUSTOMER: Never mind the windows. I need a
computer and software.
SALESMAN: Software for windows?
CUSTOMER: No. On the computer! I need something
I can use to write proposals, track expenses
and run my business. What have you got?
SALESMAN: Office.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything?
SALESMAN: I just did.
CUSTOMER: You just did what?
SALESMAN: Recommend something.
CUSTOMER: You recommended something?
SALESMAN: Yes.
CUSTOMER: For my office?
SALESMAN: Yes.
CUSTOMER: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
SALESMAN: Office.
CUSTOMER: Yes, for my office!
SALESMAN: I recommend office with windows.
CUSTOMER: I already have an office and it has windows!
OK, lets just say,I'm sitting at my computer and
I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
SALESMAN: Word.
CUSTOMER: What word?
SALESMAN: Word in Office.
CUSTOMER: The only word in office is office.
SALESMAN: The Word in Office for Windows.
CUSTOMER: Which word in office for windows?
SALESMAN: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
CUSTOMER: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't
start with somestraight answers. OK, forget that.
Can I watch movies on the Internet?
SALESMAN: Yes, you want Real One.
CUSTOMER: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I
watch is none of yourbusiness. Just tell me what
I need!
SALESMAN: Real One.
CUSTOMER: If its a long movie I also want to see
reel 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
SALESMAN: Of course.
CUSTOMER: Great, with what?
SALESMAN: Real One.
CUSTOMER: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to
watch a movie. What do I do?
SALESMAN: You click the blue "1."
USTOMER: I click the blue one what?
SALESMAN: The blue "1."
CUSTOMER: Is that different from the blue "W"?
SALESMAN: The blue 1 is Real One and the
blue W is Word.
CUSTOMER: What word?
SALESMAN: The Word in Office for Windows.
CUSTOMER: But there's three words in
"office for windows"!
SALESMAN: No, just one. But it's the most
popular Word in the world.
CUSTOMER: It is?
SALESMAN: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't
many other Words left. It pretty much wiped
out all the other Words.
CUSTOMER: And that word is real one?
SALESMAN: Real One has nothing to do with Word.
Real One isn't even part of Office.
CUSTOMER: Stop! Don't start that again. What
about financial bookkeeping. You have anything
I can track my money with?
SALESMAN: Money.
CUSTOMER: That's right. What do you have?
SALESMAN: Money.
CUSTOMER: I need money to track my money?
SALESMAN: It comes bundled with your computer.
CUSTOMER: What's bundled to my computer?
SALESMAN: Money.
CUSTOMER: Money comes with my computer?
SALESMAN: Yes. No extra charge.
CUSTOMER: I get a bundle of money with
my computer? How much?
SALESMAN: One copy.
CUSTOMER: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
SALESMAN: Microsoft gave us a license to
copy Money.
CUSTOMER: They can give you a license to
copy money?
SALESMAN: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(LATER)
CUSTOMER: How do I turn my computer off??
SALESMAN: Click on "START" . . . .